


to be unmade

by rudderless in an ocean of stars (indelibly_ellie)



Series: natasha romanoff, unraveled [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Everything Hurts, Natasha-centric, Pain, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), im sorry, lets just cry together okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 03:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14488203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indelibly_ellie/pseuds/rudderless%20in%20an%20ocean%20of%20stars
Summary: Natasha Romanoff knows what it’s like to be unmade.Somehow, it just makes it that much harder to watch half of her world crumble to dust.





	to be unmade

When Natasha Romanoff falls to her knees on Wakandan soil, a part of her thinks she’ll never be able to get up again.

 

She waits for oblivion to take her too, waits to feel herself fading away into dust on the wind that sends a breeze ruffling through her hair like a lover’s caress.

 

She waits, but nothing comes.

 

In the lottery of life and death, Natasha Romanoff has once again beaten the odds.

 

Her gaze moves to the spot where Bucky Barnes collapsed into nothingness. The scar on her stomach twinges with a phantom pain at the thought of the man who had given it to her.

 

One moment, here.

 

The next, gone.

 

In the distance, she can still hear Rhodes clambering through the foliage in his suit, calling out Sam’s name.

 

Something inside of her already knows there won’t be a response.

 

A sickening sense of dread creeps into her chest at the thought, squeezing the breath from her lungs and forcing her heart to beat so hard that she can practically feel her pulse throbbing in the very marrow of her bones.

 

 _This isn’t fair_ , she thinks.

 

This isn’t fair and she doesn’t even know what _this_ is.

 

Okoye stumbles back into the clearing, features twisted into a picture of pure anguish.

 

“What is happening?” She cries out, her gaze locking onto Natasha with such a wild desperation in her eyes that Natasha almost looks away. “What is happening?”

 

It’s Thor who answers her.

 

“Thanos... He has erased half of the universe from existence.”

 

He says it simply, shoulders slumped in defeat, shrouded with the unmistakable aura of loss.

 

Natasha finds herself choking down hysterical laughter at his words.

 

 _Erased_.

 

As if half of the universe were simply marks on a page to be swept away with a snap of Thanos’ fingers.

 

Hundreds of thousands of billions of souls unmade on the whim of a being she hadn’t even managed to land a single blow on.

 

There’s a sickening sense of irony in the fact that she’s still alive, still physically intact, when half of the universe isn’t. That the woman who’s been unraveled and undone and remade a thousand times has been spared this final unmaking.

 

She slumps forward into the soil, boneless, barely able to lift her elbows in time to keep her face from landing in the dirt.

 

There are arms around her waist in an instant, pulling her upright against the solid, unwavering warmth of a familiar body.

 

“Nat.” Steve’s voice is right by her ear. “ _Natasha_.”

 

Vaguely, she wonders when it had become so unbearably hard to breathe.

 

Black spots dance into her field of vision as she gasps for air.

 

More than one voice is calling her name.

 

Darkness drags her into its embrace before she can even attempt a response.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry?????? I haven’t slept properly since that film and I’m still so emotionally compromised that I don’t think I’ll be able to think properly for the next year.
> 
> Part two will be posted soon.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr and feel free to drop me a prompt: @rudderless-in-an-ocean-of-stars


End file.
